Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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