After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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