HIV tests are more positive than that guy
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
