So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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