How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't turn off my feet"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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