Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
