I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
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I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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