Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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