he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
