He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
