She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
