remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
