Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Acid is not a monday night drug
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
