My friends, they love my intelligence
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
