that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
