I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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