i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm bleeding and have questions
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
