I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
