you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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