who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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