That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
