oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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