he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
