The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize