I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
