she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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