Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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