At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
