Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
