trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
