i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
