I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Found your dick twin last night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
