we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
