I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
