i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
