I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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