bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
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He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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