Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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