So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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