yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
