Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
