i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
