about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
