so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I will pee on everything he values.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
