She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
