he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
