Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
