So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
