I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
