first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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