I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
