I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
