You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
