Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you will always have a special place in my vag
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
