And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
