Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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