I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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