No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
After tacos, we're chasing women.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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