6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
