You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
