Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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