hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
