Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
