you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
