I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
