If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
