Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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