I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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