You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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