Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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